Teaching forgiveness

We teach our kids how to behave my modeling it for them. The words that come out of our mouths as we instruct them will mean nothing if not paired with a good example to follow. So why are so many fathers averse to modeling forgiveness?

You may be protesting and rolling your eyes saying to your screen that you do show your kids forgiveness. Sure, most of us do. That’s not the problem when it comes to modeling forgiveness as a parent. The problem lies with asking for forgiveness from our kids when we’ve done something wrong. This is where men lack because it seems like weakness to properly apologize to a child. What’s more, it feels like lowering ourselves to even admit that we’ve done something wrong. We think our kids will respect us less or think that we aren’t perfect if we admit to wrongdoing and apologize.

I’ve got news for you, at some point your kids will find out you’re not perfect. It’ll happen. Don’t fool yourself.

One thing that’s always bothered me when I see it is when two kids get in an argument and a parent intervenes like this: “Say you’re sorry!” “Now you tell them it’s ok!” I shake my head because as well meaning as this practice is, it doesn’t teach either kid the right lesson. A forced apology is not an apology. And forgiveness is not about telling the other person that what they did was ok.

True apologies are sincere and so we should model that by sincerely apologizing to our children when we’ve gotten something wrong. Following up by asking them to forgive us is a great example for them to actually learn how to practice it in their own interactions. It’s not weakness, it’s leadership. It’s an example that serves way more purpose than just giving verbal instructions on how to do it. The lesson learned will last well beyond childhood.